Question
You recently went to a concert and thought one of the singers was very good. You want to tell him how you feel.
Write a letter to the singer. In your letter:
– Say how you feel about his performance
– Give details of your musical activities
– Explain how you would like him to help you with your musical activities
Write at least 150 words
You do NOT need to write any addresses
Begin your letter as follows:
Dear……..,
Model Answer
Dear Mr. Smith,
I am writing to let you know how much I enjoyed the performance you put on October 12 in the city of Denver. I have followed your career since 2010 and seeing you perform live in front of a crowd was such a blessing.
My friends and I have been covering your songs in my friend’s basement since high school. We even performed some of your songs on our prom night. Then we decided to start a band.
We wrote a few songs and we recorded them in one of our local studios. We even won a local talent show. Hopefully when we receive the cash award, we will be able to record more songs.
I have attached a CD containing some of our songs and a few live performances we gave in local bars. It would mean a lot to us if you listened to them and gave us some feedback. Should you like our work, maybe you could send our demos to your label manager. If he ever decides to sign us, it would be a dream come true.
Again I express my gratitude for choosing Denver for having a concert. It was an unbelievable show, especially for me because I am a huge fan. Thank you in advance for listening to our demos.
Yours sincerely,
Robert
Break down
Task Achievement
Strengths
* Responds to all three bullet points.
* Clear purpose from the opening sentence.
* Appropriate tone for writing to a famous singer.
* Sufficient length (around 180 words).
Coverage of each bullet
✔ Say how you feel about his performance
Very well answered.
Examples:
> “I enjoyed the performance…”
> “Seeing you perform live… was such a blessing.”
> “It was an unbelievable show.”
These clearly express admiration.
—
✔ Give details of your musical activities
Well developed.
You explain:
* covering his songs
* performing at prom
* starting a band
* writing songs
* recording music
* winning a talent show
These are relevant and specific.
—
✔ Explain how you would like him to help you
Also well answered.
You ask him to:
* listen to your music
* give feedback
* send your demos to his manager
This directly answers the question.
Coherence & Cohesion
Strengths
The letter is organised logically.
Paragraph 1
* purpose
* compliment
Paragraph 2
* musical background
Paragraph 3
* achievements
Paragraph 4
* request
Paragraph 5
* closing
This progression is easy to follow.
—
Cohesive devices used
Examples:
* Then
* Hopefully
* Again
* If
* Should
These work naturally.
Lexical Resource
There is a good range of vocabulary.
Good examples:
* put on a performance
* followed your career
* covering your songs
* local talent show
* attached a CD
* demos
* label manager
* huge fan
* gratitude
These are appropriate and natural.
—
Less natural expressions
1.
> “such a blessing”
This sounds slightly emotional and less natural here.
Better:
* an unforgettable experience
* an incredible experience
* an absolute pleasure
—
2.
> “having a concert”
More natural:
> “holding a concert”
or
> “performing in Denver”
—
3.
> “It is a dream come true.”
This should be
> “It would be a dream come true.”
because it is hypothetical.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy
There is a good mix of:
* simple sentences
* compound sentences
* conditional sentences
* complex clauses
Examples:
> Should you like our work…
Excellent use of inversion.
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